not exactly Fort Knox

My name is Marty and I'm here to party.
Oh, and why Mass. Murdera? That was my rap name in 7th grade way back in '99. Get it? I'm from Massachusetts? Oh, yeah? Well fuck you, I still think that shit was pretty clever. I may have peaked in the 7th grade. So what?

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In her report, Coyne wrote that the Palins got back into the Hummer but didn’t leave until after Track was reportedly seen standing with his shirt off in front of the house, flipping off other departing partygoers.

Not sure you’ll find a better paragraph. (via comediandaveanthony)

wolvensnothere:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

(via girlishwhimsy)

  • Dave:: I should add that my dad now walks around with the constitution in his back pocket.

"Quite frankly, I thought the bias of all the good people being one color and all the bad people being another was rather destructive," - Ronald Reagan on Roots

(via comediandaveanthony)

"Kiss her good"

watching the Fault in Our Cancer Stars. Read the book too. And, yeah, it’s a big cry fest. But there’s a scene where they kiss in Anne Frank’s attic. And old people start clapping in the attic. Yeah, I’d totally be the creepy Michael Scott to provide narration to ruin it.

*back to sobbing*

(via comediandaveanthony)

haha sounds like someone left something for Bill Burr

the first Jambaroo of the football season: one of my favorite things about the NFL being back. 

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