not exactly Fort Knox

My name is Marty and I'm here to party.
Oh, and why Mass. Murdera? That was my rap name in 7th grade way back in '99. Get it? I'm from Massachusetts? Oh, yeah? Well fuck you, I still think that shit was pretty clever. I may have peaked in the 7th grade. So what?

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(via shelbysbutt)

pizzaight:

shutsman:

WHAT SPORT IS THIS?

(via gregrutter)

the image of the ‘Ice Bucket Challenge’ costume and the above Steve Carrell reaction? Mine too.

Literally, after missing a couple of beats, she sang, “I NEVER MISS A BEAT!”

(via slashleen)

clientsfromhell:

Client: My fiancé and I are unhappy with the engagement photos you sent us.

Me: What’s wrong with them?

Client: We’re wearing sweat pants in them!

Me: But that’s what you wore to the shoot. I asked you on the day if you wanted to change into something more appropriate and you said no.

spaghetticunt:

sign me right the fuck up

(via slashleen)

hermitologist:

I’d like to invite you to chug a few cups of coffee and mosh your way through the morning while listening to “Mike Trout" as loud as your preferred listening device can handle. This track is a little more straightforward than our previous work, but I assure you that the rest of the record is faster, heavier, slower, more brutal, more melodic, more absurd, and entirely baseball-themed. If you’re a fan of any or all of those things, you’re gonna love it.

MIKE TROUT LYRICS

from first to third in a single bound

stealing homeruns in centerfield

mvps don’t mean anything

when you know you’ve been

the best for three seasons

no doubt, Mike Trout

he can do everything

all fans watch him with anticipation

no doubt, Mike Trout

he can do everything

even with the weight of expectation

trying to wear him down

no doubt, Mike Trout

he can do everything

all fans watch him with anticipation

no doubt, Mike Trout

he can do everything

even with the weight of expectation

trying to wear him down

it won’t wear him down

so listen to me right now

I’m going to throw some facts at the wall

so pick them up and put them in your skull

he’s built like a tank,

high-speed running freak

he’s as good at the game

as anyone is anything

Ian, Mike, Jon, and I have been sending files back and forth for several months with the intention of creating the first Puig Destroyer LP. With the help of Scott Evans at Antisleep and our friends at No Sleep Records, we have made that a reality … and it feels GREAT.

That LP (all 25 minutes of it) will be released digitally on September 30th. You can pre-order it here. Vinyl will be made available down the road a bit.

Puig Destroyer” track listing:

01 – “Baseball: The Best
02 – “Umpshow
03 – “No One Cares About Your Fantasy Team
04 – “No Hitter
05 – “Flags Fly Forever
06 – “Three True Outcomes
07 – “Take Damage
08 – “Trumbomb
09 – “Top Prospect
10 – “Call To The Bullpen
11 – “Wild Horse
12 – “Attrition
13 – “The Road To Omaha
14 – “Underdog
15 – “Twin Killing
16 – “No Pepper
17 – “Tommy John
18 – “Stealing Signs
19 – “Batflip
20 – “Mike Trout

like Billy Madison making peeing in your pants cool, McConaughey makes fanny packs cool.

He’s shooting a movie in Purgatory Chasm, around where I live. I guess it’s supposed to look like Japan there. Everybody I knew growing up post pics of themselves there, but I’ve never been. Never any desir to really. McConaughey being there actually makes me want to walk into the woods.

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