The folks at ThinkGeek put so much effort into their April Fool’s Day prank products every year that often times they end up turning them into a reality. Remember the Star Wars Tauntan sleeping bag?, that started life as a prank. And of all the wonderful products ThinkGeek pretended to announce on April 1 this year, the Back to the Future Flux Capacitor car charger is the one to get the IRL nod.
"out of stock": GOD DAMN IT!
but yeah, I’m getting this ASAP for my Delorean Honda Civic.
Bill Hader gives some quality book recommendations. My tastes line up a lot with his. He’s also adapting Charles Portis’ ‘the Dog of the South’ with Greg Mottolla (Superbad; Adventureland). Makes sense for why he singles that one out.
I’ve been about 80 episodes behind my favorite podcast, Walking the Room. And I am catching up real fast since this shitty data entry job dealing w/ blood/urine means I get to listen to my beloved podcasts for 8 hours PLUS the 2-3 hours/day I’m in the car commuting. It’s a super enjoyable podcast between 2 stand-up comedians. One’s mostly a grump (Dave) and the other is this super affable dude (Behrendt). And they’re both mostly struggling comedians who have hit some unbelievable ups and downs, but mostly downs that are sad, but ridiculously funny. The failures of their lives is something that I think people identify with and the humor of it is just unbelievable.
Cut straight to the 46-minute mark in this one. It is a gem… Dave Anthony worked at a bank previously applying to a job. His job resume reads exactly like mine (having worked at a bank myself) for the useless shit you come up with when applying for an entry-level job. Or any job. Do it. You got to!
Wil is joined by Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds to discuss the poetry of Russell Crowe, the philosophy of Jaden Smith, and the gag reflex of Joey Chestnut.
TOFOP + the Dollop podcasts merged together.
I was laughing too hard at this, particularly reading Jaden Smith’s tweets.
The best/only perk about my data entry lab job is that I can have headphones on during my entire shift. So I get to listen to about 8 hours of podcasts. Catching up on so much since I’m behind on a lot of my favorites.
Louis Zamperini died Wednesday in Los Angeles. He was 97. You may remember Zamperini from Laura Hillenbrand’s bestselling biography of him, Unbroken, which everyone read and then yelled at you to go read. There are many completely insane things that happen in Unbroken. Zamperini becomes a famous collegiate track star at USC. He shakes hands with Hitler (but in a funny way, not an evil way). He enters World War II and has his plane shot down. He spends 47 days adrift at sea only to be “rescued” by Japanese troops who immediately imprison and abuse him. He survives years in prison camp only to return home traumatized. He becomes an alcoholic. He finds Jesus and stops being an alcoholic. And then he lives for seven more decades.
This dude died and he sounds like a legend of perseverance based off of everything I’ve heard. I’ve been meaning to read UNBROKEN for awhile because everybody has read this book: my mother, my father (who reads one book every 2 years), and my brother have read this. Angelina Jolie directed the movie adaptation that comes out later this year.
But I just got sold to step my shit up on reading this book due to the passage where he survives a plane crash, finds himself adrift at sea, and PUNCHES A SHARK UNDER WATER! TWICE! You could capitalize any part of that sentence, but PUNCHING A SHARK IN THE FACE! God, I got to read this book.
…oh, shit! I forgot to add that he was also being attacked from up above by Japanese bombers while that was going on. WTF!
So I’m working overnights in a lab. Never thought I’d be doing this and want to get out ASAP but it’s all there is. It’s a lot of data entry, dealing with urine, blood, swabs (throat; vagina). Endless amount of AIDS in a bottle. Yeah, it’s terrific: just monotonous, dull, and never-ending. And the hours absolutely suck and were NOT what I was told when I went in for the job. But I don’t have a choice. What they don’t tell you is how hot wearing a lab coat or mask in a lab that isn’t properly air-conditioned in the summer is. So today is/was my 2nd day and I had to dump some crackhead’s urine sample into a tube for testing. And so I’m itching like crazy from the lab equipment I’m wearing, right? Well, when I went to itch my head I accidentally and mindlessly dumped said crackhead’s piss on top of my head. I just slowly nodded my head in shame in hopes that no one fucking noticed that. I am filled with self-loathing enough already so whenever I think it is not possible to hate myself more something like this come my way and proves me wrong; that it can get so much worse. Anyways break is over and I’m done sobbing in my car while eating my peanut butter sandwich.
6/30/14: The Red Sox pay tribute to Jack Lanzillotti before their game against the Cubs
Video via MLB.com of Red Sox paying tribute to Jack.
Like I’ve said: it’s absolutely surreal to see my brother’s best friend/someone I knew my whole life have his death (and his girlfriend) played out in the headlines/news for the last week or so. It’s tragic. But it’s definitely cool to see him honored like this…and still surreal/stunning to have that happen. The Sox really stepped up even behind-the-scenes since his death. Really cool.
My brother and a bunch of Jack/Jessica’s friends/family all got tickets for the game. My brother, in a bittersweet way, told me: "This was Jack hooking me up with tickets one last time." Sad to write that. Jack got my brother about 10 Sox games a year with THE best seats, including the booth seats where he sits for any/all music acts that come to Fenway.
My dream was for my brother to get a job within the Red Sox organization alongside Jack. But that would mean basically being 2 years unpaid out of college and there was no way my brother would have been able to swing that (no pun intended). He would have had an in the way Jack got an in. And it was via Jack that it would have happened too. I wish better things for my brother since he’s one of the smartest people I know and he’s working a job that pays him really well that is far beneath him. He soaks things up like a sponge, and has slightly photographic memory. Both he and Jack are/were really smart dudes who love/loved baseball. My other dream job would be working in the front office for the Pats. But I’d suck at it and my brother would be be great at something like that.
And naturally, the Sox got shut out at home by the f’n Cubs.
Did you miss the premiere of HBO’s The Leftovers? Watch the full episode now here on Yahoo Screen. Catch The Leftovers every Sunday at 10pm on HBO.
HBO puts up the 1st episode of ‘the Leftovers’ online. From Damon Lindelof (Lost), adapted from Tom Perrotta (Little Children; Election), and directed by Peter Berg (Friday Night Lights; Lone Survivor)
I read the book and it was disappointing. Didn’t do anything for me. But I thought it could be adapted into a better show and be expanded upon. Then critics said the show was super depressing and bleak. Which is obvious since the book is about grief and how people deal with it. But it sounded too much so to really enjoy.
But I watched the pilot episode and it’s far superior to the book and is meant as a show. It nailed the right tone in ways the book couldn’t for me. And the changes are for the better.
drove to Boston for the first time by myself today
Took a probation officer exam that was like the SAT’s. 3 hours long, tedious bullshit. Thought I did well, but there were only about 5 fucking thousand other people there. Even if I pass, I doubt I’ll get it since I officially got rejected this week and didn’t get narrowed down to the final 8 candidates of an entry-level job that was the support staff to the probation officers (300 total candidates). I got fired from my job basically for taking that interview for a job I’ve been wanting ever since I graduated college 4 years ago. I thought I nailed the interview, that I was overqualified, and had an in for it. Big bummer. I don’t know what else could have been done or what I can keep doing that I haven’t already done.
…but… driving by myself was a big boy moment. I knew how to get there, but I was more concerned about getting back. But I did it.
I stopped by to see my old roommate in South Boston. Just because I drove to the city doesn’t mean I can park, so I had him back out the car for me. He drove himself to the barber shop, double-parked, put on the hazard lights, and I ran around to switch on the busiest intersection in Southie on East/West Broadway by STATS.
….But the thing is this… I had never put on hazard lights ever and the damn things wouldn’t shut off. So I turn the car off/on trying to get them off and it won’t budge. I don’t know where the button is to turn it off. I accidentally went through the intersection with the fucking car off and in drive with the car inching forward. I’m about to have a panic attack, about sob, and yell out, “I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO!” So I finally get the car to turn back on and I immediately duck into a side street and park to the curb. I text my friend….
ME: 'how do I undo what the fuck you just did? How do you turn off the pull over sign' HIM: ’the Red Triangle. Right in front of you above the stereo. Center.’ ME:"Oh, that’s what that does? Haha.’
I made sure I texted everybody who knew where I was going that I made it in Boston and again when I made it back home. And took a deep breath once it was all over and I could continue on with my life.
Like I said last week, I am slowly getting over my fear of driving, killing myself, and others since it is the most likely way to really die. I am so overly cautious that it took me over 10 years to work up the courage to drive to Boston like I will be doing. There’s a lot of kinks to work out and I didn’t expect hazard lights to be one of them, but there you go.
The baseball-card collection I had as a teen—145,000 cards in all when I last bothered to count, 800-count box after 800-count box, all of them occupying a dusty bookcase in my bedroom—was sold years ago. Some random stranger now owns that collection of 400 Tom Glavine rookie cards I bought on speculation at $.04 each. (I haven’t checked Beckett recently, but I’m sure that investment has more than doubled.) The tiny handful of cards I kept each serve a purpose. Some remind me that people are idiots (Bill Ripken’s “Fuck Face” card); some remind me that we all start somewhere (Ken Griffey Jr.’s San Bernardino Spirit card), and others remind me, as if I need reminding, that Tony Gwynn was one of the finest human beings I’ve ever met, and that the world is cheaper without him in it.
My brother’s very best friend since kindergarten, Jack, died in a car crash in the Back Bay in Boston last night. Someone ran a red light, flipped another car over, and he and his girlfriend were pedestrians on the sidewalk. Jack died at the scene, his girlfriend died at the hospital. When I heard this morning, she was all right so everybody was hoping she would make it out. It’s the headline on the news in Boston. My mom thought it was me last night watching the 11’o’clock news down the Cape so I had to text her with updates last night assuring her that I was on a different side of Boston having fun at a show.
Everybody is devastated. Everybody, my parents included, loved that kid. Woke up with tears in my eyes when I heard the news, called my brother and he’s distraught. Funny, disarming, and just a joy to be around. Also had the coolest job of anybody that he recently left after the better part of a decade. Worked the scoreboard for Fenway and for NESN doing video work that would go up during games. Just one of the coolest jobs to have and some of the best stories. Yeah, they didn’t give him healthcare and he worked 12-16+ hour days, but still! He got to know the players, who were the assholes and who wasn’t. Got to be at every game overlooking absolutely everything.
-on an off day, the employees got to play baseball at Fenway and he was put at shortstop. He dove for a ball (and missed) and it dug up some grass. Theo Epstein, the then General Manager, just looked at him, shook his head, and said he was never going to make the ball anyway. -was driving with my brother on the Mass. Pike, looked at Fenway Park, yelled out, “OH, FUCK!” and grabbed his computer. He saw that he accidentally left the scoreboard on at Fenway and it was past midnight. So he shut it off from the car on the Pike saying, “I would have been in so much shit for that one.” -my brother waking up passed out in Jack’s neighbor’s back lawn the summer before college…OK. That one has absolutely nothing to do with Fenway.
Discounts to go to other stadiums (network of MLB employees) so my brother, him, and a couple friends went on a midwest tour of stadiums a couple summers ago. On vacations, he’d go to other baseball stadiums that weren’t Fenway. Or to San Diego for a Pats-Chargers game and see Petco Park with my brother. That was one of my brother’s favorite vacations.
I hung out with him all the time growing up. I was there when my brother was in the same Cub Scout troop as them and I just hung out with them at his house a year younger than everybody else. When I was unemployed after graduating college, I lived with my brother in South Boston for a year. Jack would be there just about every weekend for Reggae Night at the bar we always went to. He would drag me out to the bar when I told him I had no money and buy me beers. I’ve posted some stuff involving him on here before.
He would have been my brother’s best man someday. Death sucks. But it really sucks watching friends and people you know die really young. Too soon. Cliches, cliches, cliches. Wakes/funerals is the only time I’m really able to see a lot of the people I grew up with. And it shouldn’t be for things like this, but that’s the way it is. But this one hurts and I’m going to miss having him around. He was a great one and a great friend friend to my brother.
this is an amazing 66 minute podcast on Hugh Glass, the biggest bad ass in American history. A dude who gets mauled by bears, left for dead, and looks for revenge. Among a bunch of other shit. This podcast is just non-stop laughter at all times. I was laughing too hard at the gym to attempt doing free weights today because of this shit. I just did legs and back like a little bitch.
Good timing too: Leonardo DiCaprio has just signed on to play Glass, a legendary mountain man, in a movie. But I so badly wish that Dave Anthony & Gareth Reynolds write the movie or even just narrate it.
Basically, the premise of the podcast is they take suggestions from fans to talk about a particular ridiculous subject each week. They research it, dissect it, and just laugh about it. I have an idea for one that I plan on sending them.
Here’s a brief audio clip from a 1997 conversation between Tony Gwynn and Ted Williams, two of the greatest hitters to ever play the game. It’s always fun to listen to two geniuses shoot the shit about their craft, but the highlight of this clip is definitely Williams reeling of a string of incredulous expletives upon finding out how much Gwynn weighs.
Sucks. I don’t care about baseball much these days, but the 90s was the peak for me. Everybody loved Ken Griffey JR the most, I liked Kenny Lofton. Cal Ripken and Tony Gwynn were probably the most respected guys though.
I remember this playing as a conversation between 2 San Diego guys. And Ted Williams, well-known to curse like a sailor even for his day, doing just that with Tony saying ‘little my ass’ and ‘son of a bitch’. And I feel old: this clip is 17 years old. The above audio clip should have a video that accompanies it that played on a loop on ESPN for a time. I’m sure they’ll release that.
Sucks that Gwynn died young because of chewing tobacco. I’ve been trying to get my brother to stop chewing tobacco since he started in high school a decade ago with some comments here and there. Literally, he gets home from work every day and chews tobacco into a spitty cup that gets filled halfway before he goes to bed. The funniest was when our roommate, Hugh, berated him for the disgusting bottles of spit he left hanging around. Then one day, I watched as Hugh was walking around and kicked over the bottle of spit by accident on his bare feet and stepped right into it. So pissed.